I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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