Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
