Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
