DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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