Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
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