I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
