Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
