I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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