Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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