there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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