it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
