Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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