i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
