You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
