We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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