I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
