help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
