Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
