Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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