So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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