so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
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