Its about making memories worth repressing
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
