I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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