I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
