i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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