I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
