We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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