I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
