WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
how drunk are you?
Several
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
