he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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