I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
