I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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