another moral hangover. fuck.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
