I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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