My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
