HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
