Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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