You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
