Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
