literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Shame - the story of my life.
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