If that was your dad, he is hot
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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