woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
