And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
