You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
