Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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