as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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