Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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