she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I can't turn off my feet"
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
