sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
