fuck your aforementioned shoe
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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