When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
