Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
