In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
